Oxygen

It was weird. I was feeling soo many different emotions sad, mad, scared, overwhelmed, etc. I was happy to go home but at the same time I was soo scared because it had been about 3 months of living this experience and I was starting to love it... And I was also scared because it still hadn't really hit me that I did all this madness and that what had happened was about to be aired on national television. I was very sad because I was going to miss the producers and camera crew. These people had been with us day and night - literally - and it was like a relationship without them being able to break up with us =) They were there through our bad and good... And for the girls at the end… It was the final 5 and we had all gone through soo much... It’s weird but in those 3 months we had soo many memories already that I would be able to talk about for a lifetime...=) Yeah I know pretty corny but soo true... Only we lived this experience with each other... And I was overwhelmed with everything: the packing, my daughter and my dad when I got back, my apt, Ash, my job, etc... I was living soo comfortably where we knew what day we were getting paid and exactly how much. I didn't have to pay for gas and in a weird way it was like we were sheltered and now we were getting thrown back into the real world. The world we all left for a reason... Anyways, that’s how I felt leaving the house... What I took away from this experience was not to judge people because I always did and I did not like you know who and didn’t keep that a secret from anyone... For example, when I first met Tanisha by the pool I was like, “What? Are you serious? I have to live with HER?!?!?” I judged her because she was a loud, strong, black woman from Brooklyn... Because of how I was raised I automatically thought she was probably very ghetto and mean... Boy was I wrong... I LOVE Tanisha soo much now! She is such a beautiful and strong woman and I feel horrible for ever judging her. And yes I'm starting to cry right now just thinking of the journey me and her had from day one til the end...I LOVE YOU TANISHA!!! She has such a great heart and she gave me chance after chance, maybe because she saw what was truly inside me...=) Thank you... I've also learned not to trust anyone EVER. I wouldn't really say to keep my guard up because I do that plenty, but wow the people I've thought were my friends obviously were not... It’s soo weird how life does that to you. The people you thought you could trust screw you over and the people you've never thought you would like and you couldn’t care less about are the ones that are there in the end...=) FAVORITE MOMENTS: 1. The food episode. I'm sorry! Yes, it was disgusting but we had soo much fun doing it and just being immature and drunk... 2. Me running around the house naked and bothering the hyena sisters!!! I loved it and I would only do it because they didn't like it... I would be upstairs after a shower doing my hair and make up (I used self tanning lotion so I had to let it dry) and one of them would walk by and be like omg she's naked and then you'd have the rest of them come to see... Girls you know you loved it!!! =) Also bothering Tanisha. LOL. They don't show a lot of how much I used to bother her but it was fun! Me laying in her bed and trying to sleep with her or butting in every night from my room when they would be reading. 3. The lingerie party before I got drunk and got mad at Ash. 4. The ranch. It was something different that we all came together and did. 5. Our last night in the house when we were taking our New Year’s Eve and Christmas pics. That morning when we were able to actually bond with the WHOLE crew that made the show what it was. Thank you soo much!!! 7. Oh yeah the bubble bath outside... Just wish the pool had been warmer... 6. And last but not least, hearing my daughters voice... She's soo beautiful when she said, "Happy Halloween Mommy." WORST MOMENTS: 1. The first night - OMG - I was a mess fighting with Cordelia in the club and then going home and fighting with Tanisha... I really had no idea ˆI had called her that till I saw the episode... Sorry... 2. The first couple days in the house I had felt like crap. I wanted to leave soo bad but I wasn't going to let me not getting along with the girls ruin my experience in the house. I deserved to be there as much as they did. When they would sing songs and walk by and talk all the crap I wanted to say things back but it was very immature so I let it go. 3. My drunk dialing to Ash, which I apologize from the bottom of my heart. 4. Jennavecia and Tanisha fighting. It was just very annoying being in that house. Jenn could’ve gotten Tanisha her juice and Tanisha didn’t have to take it overboard. It was just juice! 5. When Ash came to visit, not being able to have a good dinner and experience with him because of shadiness with the girls. 6. And of course, Tanisha going to jail. DARLEN P.S. I MISS EVERYBODY SOO MUCH AND HOPEFULLY WE CAN DO IT AGAIN SOON! =)